We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize