im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
