Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
