: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
ok first of all what the fuck
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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