mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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