Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
