Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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