she woke up with a sticky ear
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
