So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
