My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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