I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
