i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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