I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I am naked and annoyed.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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