I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
