Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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