I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
