Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(850): View more from Florida

lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.

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(402): View more from Nebraska

I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up

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(970): View more from Colorado

She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.

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(816): View more from Missouri

Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.

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(713): View more from Texas

I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"

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(516): View more from New York

St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?

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