i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
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