I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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