Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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