i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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