o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize