my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
