He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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