so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
