i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
