so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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