Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
We don't watch enough power rangers
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
