There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
