Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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