Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize