I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Randomize
