we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
