we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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