i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
