you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
