It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
