my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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