in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize