we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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