I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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