Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
