I wannas sexs uuuuu
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
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