Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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