Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
He keeps bees of course he's weird
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
