I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
