Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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