Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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