We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
