90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
