to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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