All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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