Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
