I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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