I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
