It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
