Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
