It's Friday. Sex?
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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