Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
