I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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