nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Randomize
