How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
