i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
