Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
