Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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