but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
