he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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