I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
