I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize