The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
