No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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