First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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