Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize