Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
