no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
