I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
