omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
