What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
foreskin is a definite game changer
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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