So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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