Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize